in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
