The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
