Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
