I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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