I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
