absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize