Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
