Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my being single is dangerous.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
