I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
