can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His hands were made for my vagina.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.