I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."