why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.