when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...