I wannas sexs uuuuu
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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