does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
