I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize