At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
