i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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