Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
