half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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