Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My vagina just clenched in fear
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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