i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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