It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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