cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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