bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
40s are totally the cure
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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