3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
