well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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