We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
