Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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