and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
