apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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