I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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