were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
