So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
