your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
