The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
