The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
