i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
