News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
