OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
