It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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