I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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