First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
