I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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