I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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