Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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