Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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