Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
