woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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