So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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