Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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