6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
