i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
