I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is the high leading the old right now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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