I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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