It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
