She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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