Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
