I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
