Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
