well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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