Sponge bath it is.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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