Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
