I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
