Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
