Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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