found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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