Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
