I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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