Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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