come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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