He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
