I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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