Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
