Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
