They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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