I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
