i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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